最容易的英语短篇笑话汇集.doc

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最容易的英语短篇笑话聚集On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books,and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.Then he ambled over to the lectern,took out his class book and began,"Baker,Black,Brooks,Carter,Cook..."I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder.The student in back of me whispered,"He’s taking attendance."大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature.Recently,the question was:"Whose autograph would you most want to have,and why?"As expected,most responses mentioned music or sports stars,or politicians.The best response came from a freshman,who said,"The person who signs my diploma."我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是：“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样，大局部的答复都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案一个一年级新生，他说：“在我毕业证上签字的那个人。”My English professor once launched into a lecture on"motivation.""What pushes you ahead?"he asked."What is it that makes you go to school each day?What driving force makes you strive to aomplish?"Turning suddenly to one young woman,he demanded:"What makes you get out of bed in the morning?"The student replied:"My mother."我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道：“我妈妈。”"Would you mind telling me,Doctor,"Bob asked,"how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears pletely normal?""Nothing is easier,"he replied,"You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble.If he hesitates,that puts you on the track.""Well,what sort of question?""Well,you might ask him,’Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.Which one?’"Bob thought for a moment,and then said with a nervous laugh,"You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you?I must confess I don’t know much about history."“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生答复，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他答复得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯，你可以这样问，‘库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的答复道，“你就不能问另外一As a stranger entered a little country store,he noticed a sign warning,"Danger!Beware of dog!"posted on the glass door.Inside,he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register."Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"he asked the owner."Yep,that’s him,"came the reply.The stranger couldn’t help but be amused."That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me.Why in the world would you post that sign?""Because,"the owner explained,"Before I posted that sign,people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险!小心有狗!”进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。“这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?”陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主答复。听到这个答复，陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。你帖那个告示做什么?”“因为，”店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前，大伙老被他绊倒。”A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an aident and died.Now they were in front of St.Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married.St.Peter told them,he would have to get back to them with an answer.Around 30 days later St.Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven.The young lady then asks St.Peter,“If things just don’t work out can we get a divorce?"St.Peter looks at her and replies,"Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问：“如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她，答复说：“夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”个问题吗?坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多。”。